I just finished wiping the tears from my eyes because I was laughing so hard. My kids had to check on me because they thought I may be dying some horrible death. No, it was just me… laughing. That’s how delicate and graceful my laughter is. I was reading a blog post from Jen Hatmaker and the comments that followed had me in stitches. I never did get through all of the comments. First, there were so many funny responses and second, my kids kept interrupting my happy place to argue who was the most bored. After a late night, last night, and a day at home they thought it unfair that I was having so much fun in my head.
The commenters, who responded to Jen’s post, were funny and brilliant, if not insanely obsessive in the quirks they shared. Alternatively, I make Obsessive Compulsive people cry. Well, I don’t know if they cry, but I do know I must drive them nuts because I am the exact opposite of OCD. I am about to let a few skeletons out of my proverbial closet . I’m quirky in a she’s-a-weirdo sort of way.
1. I don’t have to have my house organized to a T and then keep it so. I’d rather just cram as much stuff into one possible closet/room/garbage can that I can, and have the floor clear. This causes my Reverend no end to grief. I can organize and I have been orderly, in the past. That would have been before four children. Who am I kidding? My drawers have always looked like it was done by a child. I can fold laundry and organized and then throw it efficiently into the proper drawers. If people would just see how great I am at folding they would know there is more to me than my overstuffed drawers. Who sees my drawers anyway? The appearance of neatness is all I am going for. Just don’t look in my bedroom! I used to have it neat(ish) but it seems that the same disease has overtaken this particular room.
2. My trash cans are an experiment in mass vs. volume. I don’t actually know what that means because Science class was a while ago, but I’m sure its a thing. I push the garbage down and make it as possibly thick and high as it can go so that it either comes off it’s hinges or it topples over. The Reverend probably had put up with enough when he recently assigned a child to the chore. It’s brilliant really. I thought I was teaching the children Science but he has taught them responsibility. I think he’s onto something!
3. Plants are lovely! Just don’t ask me to keep them alive for long. If they don’t cry, they don’t get watered or fed. I found out that I could keep kids alive but plants? not so much! Children can tell me they are hungry or thirsty and I am all over it! Plants don’t tell me a thing until they are dead. They are finicky. Put me in the sun, don’t put me in the sun, give me water every day, no don’t. They don’t TELL me this, they just get quietly persnickety until they are dead. Inside or out, I’ve tried. They’ve died. So we got a cat. Just so I don’t leave you hanging, she cries therefore she gets fed.
4. Flossing. I promise I do this every day. I do. However, my neighbors would beg to differ. I have a new cereal that includes chia seeds. I LOVE it!! It’s like a cold and hot cereal mixed into healthy goodness but it’s all seeds and dried fruit. So good!! It’s my new GF find that is a snack that does my body good.
This summer, I wanted to say “Hey!” to my neighbors who had moved in just a few days before. I went over, without looking in the mirror, and had a lovely chat. For some reason, I looked in the mirror afterwards and found a little baby chia seed sticking in my front teeth space. It was embarrassing enough, but the next day I happened by their house again and chatted for a few minutes. As I was backing out of my driveway after our visit, I looked in my rear-view mirror and find another chia seed stuck in those silly teeth. Why, oh WHY did it have to be the same neighbors? I turned to my kids and asked if they had seen the food in my teeth. They shrugged and mumbled that they had.
I think I should get a little more OCD about checking my teeth. My teeth are quirky.
5. I used to be prompt if not early to most appointments or events. I still like to be. Since having kids and needing to wait for them to do any number of things before leaving the house, I’ve learned how to (ahem) wisely use my time until we need to scream out of the house to get to a scheduled whatever. Waiting for a child to go to the bathroom or get their blankie, or have a tantrum has taught me this skill. These days, I’m afraid to say, I usually have all the kids out the door except for, well, me. I am doing things last-minute then remembering all the things I should have done, like find my keys or purse or go to the bathroom myself. Usually, I am at the van already before I remember that I haven’t locked the house or need my coffee mug or that it’s -40C and I should really have put on long underwear. I usually arrive on time to a few minutes past the anointed hour.
Now that I’ve led you to believe that there isn’t an OCD bone in my body, I’ll go ahead and tell you the truth…I have a few obsessive tendencies.
Since I numbered five quirks that aren’t OCD, I’ll go ahead and give you five things I don’t laugh about. Ha!
1. I like to have things balanced. If I have five things over there, I like five things over here…see? Uneven things throw off my center of gravity and then I can’t think to save my life. Balanced decorations, furniture, schedules…they all need to be balanced and then my life goes more smoothly. Predictability is something I strive for but never really accomplish so I am fairly certain that my schedule will continue to be goofy, my wall pictures will hang crazily and life will have it’s wrecking ball (no Miley reference meant there) of unpredictable events that keep me off-balance. It’s what you love about me right…right?
2. Beards are weird. Hate me but it’s true. Santa is not off the list because he’s Santa. I remember a few times crying in the Red Man’s lap while someone tried to take pictures. Beards are in style these days. Maybe, like striped toe socks, it will wear me down but don’t count on it. I am not judging beard growers but why would God want men with hair on their faces? If he wanted them to grow it he would have balanced it out with the ability to grow hair on the top of their heads, no? I am certainly not pointing fingers at my man.
3. I can’t stand other people making me wait. I’ve been known to spaz like a teenager who has just been told she can’t wear lipstick, but just like the teenager, I couldn’t help myself. I know, that goes against everything you think I said in #5 of the previous list, but I honest-to-goodness do make it on time most places…most days…sometimes. I know I’m a hypocrite.
4. I think boys/men should be able to hit the toilet every. single. time. If you were given a device that great, then by cracky, learn how to use it!! Conversely, if you don’t know how to use it, just sit down and save yourself the embarrassment.
5. Before I can do any productive or heavy thinking task, I need my environment uncluttered. I’ve learned how to cope with this because my environment stays uncluttered for about one second these days, thanks to five other people in a small space – I just don’t get anything done. I am distracted by the littlest things. I used to clean my bedroom from top to bottom before being able to study for a test or finish a term paper back in the day. Nowadays, if I am baking or prepping for something, I try to clean my main area of work production. Again, I barely get that task accomplished before it’s undone. Could be why I am not asked to take on anything of great importance these days…or why my friends call to remind me what’s on my calendar for the week. When all else fails, or I’m expecting company, I revert to #1 on the previous list.
I have so many other quirks that have come back to haunt my mind, thanks to Jen Hatmaker, that I have found myself rocking in a corner a few times today. Quirks like fussing with my kid’s hair in public, when I’ve clearly forgotten to do it at home (or they have toque-head…it’s a thing in Canada), fidgeting with my stretchy jeans because they just don’t want to stay above the muffin top, laughing at inappropriate times, laughing in a nasally guffaw instead of anything resembling a ladylike chuckle, being a picky coffee drinker…well, the list goes on. You don’t need it all in one gulp.
Now, come on…you need to share something. I can’t be the only one (besides Jen’s commenters) that have a few odd eccentricities. You know you want to get it off your chest.